Those Words given by My Father That Saved Me during my time as a New Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to talk among men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - taking care of you is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."